My baby is one month old... and due on Saturday!
At one month old, Hudson is:
- growing so fast!! He now weighs 7 lbs 9 oz and is 20 inches long. His little cheeks are chunking right out, and his legs now have little rolls. LOVE IT! His doctor said he is growing right along his percentile path and doing great.
- very vocal, full of growls and grunts. They sound like potty noises, but are so much more than that. The doctor said that a lot of it is because we talk to him so much, he is testing out his communication skills. He also giggles. Just a quick, secret giggle when he is cuddled up to me, but it is the most beautiful sound and I cannot wait to hear it ring free. So far, he has only done it for me (several times) and once for grandma. Poor daddy still hasn't heard this sweet sound.
- strong! He pulls his little head up and looks around. He grips tightly to my fingers. His legs kick and push against me as I torture him by changing his diaper.
- alert. He has 1-hour stretches of time when he is wide awake and alert, watching lights, shadows and faces.
- eating LOTS. I love nursing him, but worry that he is choking on it because he gets so frantic, so I do a lot of bottles too. When nursing him, he does the cutest things. First, he gets frantic, shaking his head back and forth, with his mouth wide open and hands grasping wildly. I put him right at the breast, ready to go, but he doesn't clasp on right away and just looks silly with his fits. When he finally figures it out, he makes the sweetest satisfied eating noises, deep sighs and coos. Then he seems to forget what he is doing and doses off. Until he gets frantic again. When he is done, or needs a break, he unlatches and pushes away with his strong little arms, then he stretches out, grunts a satisfied "Oh yeah" grunt, all with milk dribbling down his chin. Cutest thing ever, and I'm (usually) the only one to see it!
- not a great nighttime sleeper, but not too terrible either. He does not like laying flat on his back, so it's hard to get him to sleep in his bassinet, meaning mommy isn't sleeping in bed. He has been spitting up more lately, and a sitting up position, snuggled in his vibrator chair, seems to be best for him. He will sometimes sleep for a little over three hours, but then he is often up for 2 hours afterwards. It is getting better though, and we are working more on the bassinet time.
- testing trust vs. mistrust. And he knows he can trust mommy and daddy. He knows and trusts that when he is hungry, he will be fed; that when he is uncomfortable, we will help him find comfort; that when he just wants to be snuggled, we are happy to oblige.
- precious. He really is just precious and perfect.
I cannot believe how much my world has changed in one month, 100% for the better. I always knew I wanted to be a mommy, but I couldn't have imagined how much I would love it, it is a joy beyond words. This little fella makes me feel like the most important person in the world. His smiles and giggles seem to be just for me. His daddy does the same thing, brighten my world, and to an even greater extent since baby's come along. We are so blissful. That's not to say that we aren't tired, exhausted, frustrated at times, just that none of it compares or even matters when we look at our sweet little boy. Everything else just melts away. This month has gone by sooooo quick. I dread to think of returning to work, at the very latest in November. I cannot picture myself apart from my son. I need him, he completes me.
At this moment, I am sitting with him curled up in my lap, fast asleep. He woke me up 2 hours ago. I was exhausted, did not want to drag my ass out of bed. I was frustrated with him, wishing he would just go to sleep. But as soon as I picked him up and felt his warm little body, my frustration melted away and love consumed me and I perked right up. I am blessed to have these late night parties with my son.
Earlier today, and whenever I have a free moment to think of it, my heart hurts for one of Royce's coworkers. Their little boy was due two days before Hudson, on September 22. They lost him on Sunday. I do not know the details, don't need to. All I know is that it could have been me. And that NO ONE deserves that pain. A pain that I don't even want to imagine. I have cuddled Hudson more today, told him repeatedly how much his momma loves him. I am nearly out of tears. Its all so unfair. I still have friends fighting infertility, and yet I see and hear about monsters hurting babies. These stories and indecencies have always upset me, but now they absolutely tear me to bits. I will NEVER hurt my baby. I will NEVER take him for granted. I will ALWAYS, NO MATTER WHAT, love him UNCONDITIONALLY.
Anyways, I wanted to do a quick update, but what I want to do more is go back to snuggling my son, and maybe get some rest...