Remember what I said about being able to keep my emotions in check? Well... they may have run amok a little on Friday. We had "plans" to take our Airstream trailer up to Coalville and stay the night for the car show on Saturday. Well, I thought we had plans. Nothing was etched in stone. It was just an idea I had had several weeks ago and Royce seemed on-board. When I woke up Friday morning, I suddenly realized the disaster that was my house, and that my mother would be walking into that disaster to take care of my dogs. I fretted all morning as I got ready for work and straightened up what little I could. But by the time I got to work, I had decided "to hell with it. It's my mess. She can think what she wants. I'm living life while I can." But apparently my panic in the morning stuck with Royce. Later that afternoon, he called to see if we could go check out my car at the shop and get some of the junk out of it. I asked if they had specifically asked us to come get stuff, and indicated that I would rather not go. And that seemed to be the end of it. Until that evening, after work. We were both starving, and I, once again, was craving "pizzeria" pizza (not delivery!), so we called the Circle Inn in Sunset for a pickup. On our way, we stopped at the ATM for cash. But our stupid card wouldn't work. It was NOT insufficient funds. Royce was sure that it was my fault, that I had done something wrong, or that I had let him key in the wrong-something-or-other, that I could fix it. As we pulled away defeated and confused, and that much hungrier, he started going on about how we were wasting time, nothing was getting done, that the one thing he had wanted to do was not even an option. WHAT?!? How did we get to this?? I never said we couldn't go to Jack's shop, I merely implied that I didn't want to. If I had had any idea that it was such a big deal, I would have just done it. No biggie. But it was. By this time, Royce was screaming and swearing at and about everything. I tried to keep my calm, but I finally screamed and swore back. When we finally got our pizza home and ate it, we had calmed down some, but our plans were completely in the air. He didn't feel like the plans were definite enough, he felt out of control about them and about the fact that his car was in the shop. But I couldn't provide any more info or details, so I don't know what the big deal was. About the car, I trusted Jack's shop to do what needed to be done. About camping, I was completely fine with doing it or not. So, I hid in my playroom, did some cleaning up for baby's room, while he took a nap on the chair. At about 7:30, he slinks into the room, "You ready to go?" and offers me a "sorry." I finish what I'm doing and we quietly load up the trailer. The ride through the canyon was silent. As I was looking out the window, I swell up with emotions, thinking about what my innocent baby had heard, and I start crying. Silent tears ran down my cheeks for 5 minutes or more before Royce even noticed. Then he got very gentle and sweet and asked me what was wrong. I told him that I hated that our son had heard us like that. Royce tried to tell me that he probably thought it was the TV or something ('cuz he knows what a TV is...) and I explained that Hudson knows my voice, knows his voice. A couple of weeks ago, I read an article about babies crying in the womb. There was an ultrasound picture/video that showed the fetus' movements that very distinctly resembled crying, with shaking lips, open-mouth, arched back, etc. All I could think of was Hudson doing this because mommy and daddy were fighting, and no one being able to soothe him. It broke my heart. Royce seemed to understand this, even without the article/video explanation, and was very apologetic for his part in it. We agreed that we could disagree and fight ('cuz it's kind of inevitable) but that we cannot yell like that anymore. It scared me. I cried for another 10-15 minutes, just to get it out.

Week 28- THIRD TRIMESTER!!!

This week I start my third trimester. That astounds me!! This is all going so very fast! Before you know it, I will have my "forever" life. I will be done being a student. I will hopefully find myself a teaching job. I will be a mommy. It's incredible. Not that I haven't worked hard for it though...

I do not have a bump picture to post, but wanted to do an update anyways.

How I am feeling:

• 
  
  Still just thrilled to have this experience!!!


• 
  
  So excited to meet my baby boy!


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  Loving almost every minute of this pregnancy!


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  The minutes I don't necessarily adore?- the backaches. the nighttimes. the leg cramps.


• 
  
  My back is sore every night. And most days. And it isn't even my back so much as my upper butt. Just uncomfortable. And Royce is not at all a masseuse. Wish I could find some relief. I will bring this up at my doctors appointment, which seems so far away on July 13.


• 
  
  The nighttimes are hard. I fall asleep easy enough, but then I toss and turn all night, which isn't easy considering I've sandwiched myself between 3 or 4 pillows which all have to move with me. Then there are the potty trips, a couple every night. And even though I don't necessarily wake up for that reason, and don't feel it so much laying down, as soon as I stand up, the urge just rushes down, which makes the already slow, painful walk to the bathroom that much worse.


• 
  
  My legs cramp up in the evening too. I can usually work them out with a good stretch.


• 
  
  The minutes I adore the most?- the wiggles!!!


• 
  
  I love when Hudson starts his wiggles. I feel them about every 20 minutes or so. Sometimes they're slight flutters, other times they are deliberate kicks and Royce can join in on the fun of feeling him. And sometimes they are all out acrobatics and make my whole tummy wave. I love taking time when they are strong and just feel at one with him. I just wish I could predict them better and know when other people could feel them too. I want my friends and family to feel how strong he is, but it's awkward when I have them put their hand on my belly and nothing happens 'cuz the little stinker has stopped.


• 
  
  I am even starting to feel relieved. After all my worrying yesterday, I worked on sorting through my jewelry, makeup and hair stuff, and Royce and his dad got our new dresser into the bedroom. I have a fairly free weekend, so I hope to get more done. Just gotta keep on it!!

Before too long

I might experience something like this!

Lately, Hudson has been wiggling a ton. Daddy gets to feel him, even though Hudson tries to hide as soon as I call daddy over, or I get too excited and burst out in giggles. I feel him wiggle about every 20 minutes. Sometimes they are big movements, sometimes they are simple wiggles. In the evenings, after work, when he is most active, I can sometimes pull up my shirt and watch my belly move in waves. It is absolutely the most incredible thing! I love knowing that my baby boy is growing so strong. I am so lucky to be able to have this experience, and, believe me, I do not take a moment of it for granted. Almost daily, I think about my friends and other ladies out there who are trying, unsuccessfully to conceive. Ladies who lost track of their biological time and will never feel this. I think everyone who wants to, should have this opportunity.

Week 25

First of all, I am sorry, no new bump pics yet. I need to do one in my "Dangerous curves ahead" tank that I started with. Maybe tonight...

How I am feeling:

Psyched to be a mommy!!

Scared to be a mommy!!

Falling more in love with my life everyday!

But also feeling very pregnant.

Body aches. Can't move. Chest feels tight.

My back aches after any amount of moving it.

My legs get cramps every night. Usually a good stretch will get rid of it, but last night they were true Charlie Horse pains. I even woke up Royce. Woke up still sore.

Can't get comfortable. Always changing positions, whether it's visiting with friends, relaxing in front of the TV or trying to fall asleep.

Getting up from any non-standing position is a bugger.

Bending over is nearly impossible, and squatting isn't much better.

My allergies and asthma are terrible right now. Half an asthma treatment in the AM, half at night, and a puff of my inhaler at least once a day. Stuffy nose, sore throat, coughing.

Coughing hurts my back. And sometimes I pee a little. (sorry, but it's true)

Still tired. Always.

Really wish that the so-called nesting phase would hit me!!!

It seems to have hit Royce. He wants a baby room. NOW.

Baby is moving a lot. LOVE THAT.

Love the little wiggles! Love knowing that my little guy is active and well.

Love knowing that all-too-soon he will be squirming in my arms.

My belly is looking funny. My belly button is almost flush to the rest. Royce is so sure it's going to pop soon.

I hope not.

And, did I mention...

Falling more in love with my life everyday!

Not a soccer player (phew!), maybe a karate kid?

I think Hudson is learning somersaults this week! It's funny, I keep expecting to feel the little jabs of hits and kicks that everyone explains, but I don't. I feel twists, like he's flipping his whole little body or something. It's probably just his active little hands moving, but I can't describe it as the little hits I watched on the ultrasound. It feels different. I love it though!! Whatever he's doing, I think he's having fun. And I just giggle and think of how all-too-soon, I will be able to witness his little acrobatics!

Love, love, love this kid!!!

I'm still here!!

Just totally overwhelmed with school and life. I'm loving it, but ready for a break! I wrap up my internship in 4 days, then I'm off to Lake Powell for our annual family vacation. So excited!!

As for baby Hudson, we are doing awesome. He is growing beautifully, "perfect" as my doctor says. I am feeling great. I love being pregnant! My back and legs get sore, my belly itches and (TMI....) my poor nipples are chapped and huge, but I love it. I'm starting to waddle a little, it just helps balance the weight on my legs and back. As of my last doctor appointment, May 4, I had gained a total of 10 pounds, which I don't feel too bad about. I am not swelling or bloated anywhere. I feel small movements, but nothing too regular yet. I love touching my belly, love talking to my son. Royce loves to cuddle and tickle my tummy too, which just makes me love him more. I'll ask him random questions about being parents and I just love the little conversations we'll have. I asked him the other day "What do you want Hudson to call you? Dad, daddy, pop, pa?" and he looked at me and started blowing little spit bubbles until he was laughing and said "He's a baby, he's not gonna be able to call me much more than that for awhile!" Such a nerd. It was pretty funny though. For Mother's Day, Royce got me a couple of childrens books. (Thanks for the idea, Alex! ;) One was the famous Robert Munsch story Love You Forever, with the sweet lines of "“I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I’m living my baby you’ll be.” I love it! He also got a cute little informative book, shaped like a car with moving wheels and everything, all about cars. So sweet. Maybe he will be reading to him after all!!

I have pictures galore to share, at some point. From car shows we've gone to, including Bakersfield, from graduation, from Mom's surprise party, from dinner with friends. I also need to write about my two emotional breakdowns... I've certainly not stopped living, just stopped blogging! But I will be back...

Just kinda cute...

I was laying on the couch last night, absent-mindedly cradling my naked belly and Royce says "You playin' with my baby?" and cuddled up with me, kissing and tickling the tummy. Loved it. Felt like a whole little family. :) ************March 31 update*******************- Even better? Last night, when we were sleeping, he draped his arm around me, and rested his hand softly on my belly. I remember feeling it, along with, though it was probably my dreaming mind, a slight response from inside my body. A flutter of some sort. Can't say that it was baby, but I can let my dreamy brain believe it. :)