Growing Old

I spent a lot of this weekend at my parents, with my Grandpa. He has been deteriorating in health since Grandma passed away in September. He is falling, forgetting and fading away. At first, the falls seemed few and far between, but we are starting to suspect that they have been happening and he has been hiding it, or perhaps even forgetting about it. He took a nasty fall one night when my dad dropped him off at his trailer, luckily dad was still there to help him up. But the next day, he was so sore and stiff that they decided to have him stay the night at their home. He spent about a week there, giving everyone a better view at how bad it really is. He is so forgetful. He forgets that Grandma is gone and says things like "Well, I guess I best be getting home now, Connie's going to be wondering where the hell I am." or, even sadder, when mom told him she had gone to get some of his stuff from the trailer he exclaimed "Why?!? Is Connie leaving me??" It's absolutely heart-wrenching. But it is also super inspiring to see his love for her, so deep, so real. After another nasty fall, this one at mom and dad's house, he has a nasty bandage all over his head and he keeps asking "Why do I have this bandage on?" or "I must have been rolling all over last night, my head sure hurts." My dad and his sisters made the decision this weekend to move him into an assisted living home. It's been tough to see my grandpa so vulnerable. It's been tough to watch my dad have to make such a hard decision. One minute, Grandpa seems ok with the move, the next he's completely forgotten, then he's adamant it isn't happening, then he is confused and telling people he's "buying a place with lots of land for the horses." As we were moving things into the home, we were welcomed by the nurses, cooks and residents. It seems like a really nice place, very inclusive, lots of activities, good food. I hope he participates and doesn't hide out in his room. I hope he makes friends. I hope he finds happiness and starts to improve. His idle mind has just been set in idle since Grandma's passing because he doesn't do ANYTHING. He doesn't mingle with others, he doesn't go out, he doesn't even watch TV. He sits. In the dark. With the curtains drawn. I hope that the nurses encourage him to participate and help sharpen his once bright mind. I miss my grandpa, and hope that this is the best thing for him.

On the up side, I think I will be able to visit him more often at this place because he is not allowed to smoke inside. I have been unable to visit the trailer, and never got to say my goodbyes to Grandma, because their home was so smoke-filled. Not only is it hard on me with my asthma, but I am adamant to keep my son away from it.