Gratitude

I am overwhelmed by gratitude this morning. I am thinking about all my friends and family who are excited to welcome this baby boy. I am thinking about my amazing husband who I am so very privileged to have in my life. I am thinking about everything I am lucky to have in my life. I have so much love coming my way and as much as I try, I could never reciprocate it. I am blessed. I have a home, a job, an education and so many luxuries beyond the basic needs. The things are neat, but my happiness is about the people in my life. Royce is the best thing that's ever happened to me. I would be absolutely lost without him. As I see relationships crumbling, my heart aches for those people who do not have what I have. My family are my best friends. I confide in them, trust in them and depend on them. I have 5 amazing people planning baby showers for me and so many more who are attending these showers and/or giving us gifts and well wishes for our sweet son. How do you say thank you for that?!? As I made up invitation lists and talked about the shower with the planners, I had this fear that they thought that I expected them to do these generous things for me, that they were nearly obligated, but as I see them coming together I can see that they want to do this. They truly do want to celebrate this little life I am creating. It truly amazes me what beautiful people I am associated with. Enormous hearts. A plethora of love and giving. Again, my heart crushes for those who do not know this kind of love. I am a sap right now, and to get some of these feeling out, I am sitting here at work listening to country music (not usually a fan) . Honestly, I have to keep wiping the tears away in case a student comes in. Absurd. But it is a relief. So I will keep it up and spend my Friday crying and waiting for the end of my work day. Hope you all have a wonderful weekend, I have no doubt I will.

Glucose test...

Shoot. I have to do the 3-hour glucose test. My results were right on the borderline. So, Wednesday morning I will have blood drawn, then drink the glucose juice, wait an hour, draw again, wait an hour, draw again, wait an hour, draw again. It sucks. :( Hope like heck that I don't have gestational diabetes.
http://www.diabetes.org/diabetes-basics/gestational/what-is-gestational-diabetes.html
http://diabetes.webmd.com/guide/gestational_diabetes

Things I'm looking forward to:

2 days- My family/friends baby shower hosted by mommy! Got some friends coming that I haven't seen in awhile. :)

4 days- Meeting with a pediatrician to see if she's right for my baby boy.

5 days- Royce's Birthday! SOOOOO excited to give him his bike... just hope it's done in time. If not, he'll just have to wait. Also, we have a doctor's appt. in the morning and will get to see our baby. Then, it's my work baby shower, where lots of old co-workers are coming to celebrate with me!

7 days- Childbirth preparation class

9 days- Roy Days. Always been a fun time for Royce and I, some of our first dates were the Roy Days Carnival.

13 days- LAST DAY OF CLASS!!

16 days- Stars of the Past Car Show, lots of hard work, but always fun too

23 days- Club yard sale- I've got so much junk to get rid of!

29 days- Cruiser baby shower! Very excited to see everyone in one place, celebrating our li'l cruiser!

before 56 days- Finishing baby room!! GOT TO DO IT! Seriously, the more I think about it, the more excited I am to get the painting and decorating done! Now it's just a matter of time. A good stretch of time, not just 2 hours here, 4 hours there.

~56 days- Baby Hudson!!

From Chicken to Monkey, this lady is funny!

Because I never have enough to do at work, and will soon have even less with homework on the downward spiral, I blog stalk. I read about the lives of people I do not know and feel like I'm just part of the family. I know, it's kind of creepy. But I'm gonna keep doing it...

My latest victim's latest post: http://thebloggess.com/2011/07/would-you-like-to-buy-a-monkey/

It pretty much amazes me that in (about) 8 weeks, I'm gonna be a mom, with a newborn baby boy to love on. Still can't quite believe it.

Ever notice that in order to actually get things organized and clean, you first have to tear the whole room apart? Well, that is what I did all day yesterday. I made great progress on my baby room, but it is still no where near done. I have piles and stacks for the yardsale we are doing next month, another pile of stuff to take out to the trailer (which also means cleaning the trailer...), I have two bags of clothes to run to the DI today at lunch, and I still have piles of laundry that need to be sorted, folded or hung up, and shoes and hats haven't even been touched. But everything is now do-able.

In fact, we might be able to start painting in a week or two!! Which is good, 'cuz I've got some fun ideas in my head! First, I need to get a guesstimate on how big the crib is (My mom and dad are buying us a new one) so that I can paint the Yellow Submarine behind it, and place the aquarium above it. To paint the submarine, I need to bring home the projector from work and trace it onto my white wall, then we can paint it yellow, add an octopus' garden mural outline to paint bright colors, and then paint the wall itself blue. The other two walls, will be painted a clean white, with a thick stripe of yellow and green. On these walls, we will post all of our Beatles concert posters and assorted pictures. The last wall is actually the closet and door, so we will probably just leave it as-is.

Anyways, I've decided not to let myself think those negative thoughts and power through my fears. This baby IS coming home with me. He will be loved and spoiled and will be absolutely everything I dreamed of. So I am getting my butt in gear and making this baby room, no matter the how bad the backaches are afterwards. And they are bad.

Giant Chicken

For a good laugh, read this:
http://thebloggess.com/2011/06/and-thats-why-you-should-learn-to-pick-your-battles/

I can almost see Royce or I doing this. Probably not spending $100 on a prank, but a giant chicken, totally. Too funny!!

Growth Spurt @ 30 weeks

Hudson must be going through a growth spurt! My tummy is stretching like crazy. It ITCHES like crazy!! And those who thought I was blessed to have so few stretch marks will be pleased to see that they have caught me. They are itchy, bulgey and dry. My cocoa butter lotion stinks, but I hope it will help with the stretch marks. NOTHING helps with the itching. I've tried baby oil, Aveeno lotion, baking soda baths. Honestly, the only time I am not itching is when I don't have material rubbing on the marks, just air. Work, and most public/social settings, is kind of against bare midriffs though...

Happy Birthday, Royce!!

I am gonna surprise Royce with a bicycle for his birthday! I ordered this one online, a Schwinn Legacy, that is normally blue with chrome fenders. It has the beach cruiser frame.

I had it shipped directly to my powder coater friend, Gary, and he is gonna powder coat the entire frame and fenders this bright Antifreeze green:

Then, I am gonna take it to my pinstriper and have him pinstripe it, (I'm thinking orange and red) and put a Rat Fink on it. I may even have him write "Big Daddy" somewhere on it.

Then, all it will need is this bell:

Which I haven't bought yet, but am definitely considering it... I'd totally do it, but I am a little afraid that his bike is gonna be even more awesome than mine...

Nursery Fears

As I was getting ready this morning, in my room, I looked around me and realized (once again) how much I have left to do before this baby arrives. Usually, it just makes me fret and worry until I just can't do anything about it, but today, it made me realize my actual fears. I have 2 very real fears that are preventing me from committing myself to this nursery:

For one, I am afraid of losing myself. Because I know how much I am "sacrificing" to make this room, how much of my personal items will simply be tossed, I worry that I will eventually lose myself. It's silly, because a lot of it is clothes that I don't even (can't even) wear anymore, even before my bump. But they are clothes I once felt beautiful in. Clothes that people looked at me in and admired my daring style. My purses are all in a box ready to be sold at our yard sale. From now on, it will be my seatbelt bag, or a diaper bag. My makeup has been reduced to my daily-wear, and I am already regretting that, as I search for my best brushes that were accidently tossed, or as I apply my mascara to curl-less lashes. I have 3 sizes of curlers and curling irons that I have to make storage room for in my bathroom, so that I don't become a ponytail queen. I see so many new moms that simply resign to being a baby burp-rag. I do not want that for myself. I do not want to live in pajamas and ponytails. I want my husband to still be attracted to me. I want to feel pretty. I just have to find a way to do that in a much more confined space.

But even more frightening than losing myself is the prospect of getting this room exactly the way I want it for my sweet baby boy, and him never being able to enjoy it. After wanting this for so long and working so hard to get it, I cannot let myself truly believe that it is real. Right now, every kick and wiggle reminds me of how blessed I am. But I also know the harsh reality of life. People die. Babies die. Babies who are perfectly perfect in the womb sometimes do not come out so perfect. What if, after all this, baby Hudson never makes it home??? And I do. I go home, alone, to a room that was made with absolute love, but will never have love in it? That is what scares me most. Terrifies me. And I've only just let myself realize that fear this morning. As I type this, tears are running down my face and my heart is just crumbling. What if???

After letting myself realize these fears, I cannot decide if I am more or less motivated to do the nursery. A part of me says DO IT!!! I shouldn't let some very unlikely fears be my guiding factors. I should overcome those fears and let myself enjoy it. But that other part tells me that my fears are rational, however unlikely they may be.

Happy Anniversary!!

Today is mine and Royce's 8 year anniversary!

I am so incredibly lucky to have found the one fella I am meant to love forever. He is so good to me. He will be an amazing daddy. I love him more each and every day.

Our journey together hasn't been easy. We've been through a lot together:

• 
  
  dating and a breakup


• 
  
  parents illnesses


• 
  
  job loss for both of us


• 
  
  financial difficulties


• 
  
  parents divorce


• 
  
  infertility


• 
  
  schooling

But through it all, we stuck together. The hard things are easier when you have a best friend you can rely on and trust. I have never doubted my trust in Royce. He is completely loyal to me. We joke around about our "girlfriends" and "boyfriends," but I know how much he adores me because it's almost as much as I adore him. We are perfect together. As we watch his parents suffer through their divorce, we fall more in love. As we suffered through infertility, there was never any blame on the other person, but a worry of our own inferiority, and we fell more in love. With the loss of our jobs at the same time, before we were even married, we stuck together and fell more in love. As we grow this baby, we fall more and more in love.

Baby Showers are a-go!

So, we got the dates down for all my showers! I am sooooo excited! I have been so good for 7 months, not buying any baby things, because I didn't know what other people would want to get for me and what I would need. Maybe this is the motivation I need to get that room cleared out!!

Family and Friend shower, hosted by my mommy, on Saturday, July 30 @ 6pm

Work shower, hosted by Jenni and Linda, Tuesday, August 2 @ 12pm

Cruiser shower, hosted by Alex and Weezie, on Saturday, August 27 @ 10am?

"Thick on the sides"

It's definitely time for another bump picture. But, as mentioned in the last post, my camera is at home. So maybe tomorrow. I just know you are all wanting to see my "thick sides."

People are so stupid when it comes to pregnant women. Or women in general, really. There are things you just DO NOT say.

I was at a car show on Thursday night. Royce's dad's friend and his girlfriend came over and was chatting with us. I had never met the girlfriend, Debbie. She seemed nice enough. Then she sits down on the grass with me and I notice her looking at me, scanning me up and down in my torso area. Then she asks "a boy?" and I smile "yup!" "I thought so... 'cuz your thick on the sides." WHAT?!?!? Seriously?! I said nothing. Didn't even look at her, really. I wanted to spit on her.

Truly Classic/Advanced Door 6th Annual Car Show!

Royce and I hosted our car show last Friday. Royce & I do the show itself, his work provides food and drinks, and arranges for fun for the kiddos, including a bounce house and a dunk tank. We never know how many cars we will have, and this year kind of worried me because there was another show locally, but I figure that as long as we stay between 80-110ish, we are doing great. We got 95 registrations, so I am happy. Too much more than that, and we get complaints about parking, etc. The sound this year was much better since our DJ bought some new, longer cords, and we were able to wrap them around to the back of the building.

We advertise the show as such: Registration starts at 5, show goes from 6-9. I took the day off so that I could run some car-show-related errands, and Royce got off around 1. By 2:00, we were at the shop, setting up raffles and registration. By 3:00, we had a handful of cars in the parking lot and I was accepting registrations. And it just got busier as the night went by. Even though I had told some friends that I would probably need some help, I was reluctant to give up my post for any amount of time. I know that Alex was just waiting for me to ask her for help, tell her what I needed, and I never thought that she wouldn't help out, I just hate to ask, and actually felt really good about how things were going as-is. She would jump in exactly where needed, which is all I needed. Someone who could do it without being asked. Royce, on the other hand, drove me absolutely nuts for the first hour of the actual show. I honestly don't know what he was doing or where he was. Every time I'd need something and expect to be able to grab him, he was gone. Probably just gabbing with friends. He definitely did his share at the end though, when it came to drawing raffles and wrapping up awards.

Anyways, I'd like to post pictures, but my camera is at home. Hopefully I will remember to bring it tomorrow.

Glucose test...

So, I was supposed to drink my glucose drink one hour before my regularly scheduled appt., but yesterday, I realized that the lab doesn't actually open until 9, and my new appt. was at 8:20. So I waited. I took my juice with me and drank it while we waited to be seen. It wasn't terrible, but it was extremely sweet. And since it was the only thing I had had to eat/drink, it seemed that much more. You have to basically chug 8 oz. of sugar water in 5 minutes. I was able to do it in 2. After our meeting with Dr. Alejo, we just had to wait around until an hour had passed since I finished my juice. The test itself is just a blood draw, which at one time would have scared me, but after fertility stuff is a cinch. Now I just wait for results, which take a couple of days. I'm not concerned though.

29 weeks (almost 30!!)

We had another doctors appt. today. With the new doctor. I was anxious about my decision to change doctors 7 months in. But I have no regrets! Right from the start, he was just 100% more personable. While the nurse was doing my blood pressure in the hallway, he walked by and said, "I'll be right with you, Tracy." and patted my shoulder. He knew who I was. When he came in to the office, he shook mine and Royce's hands and asked how we were. Genuinely. Then he pulled out his computer and started going over our chart. "Did Julia go over your targeted ultrasound results with you?" "ummm... not really." And he did. Thoroughly. Instead of "Everything looks normal." He told us what normal meant. What everything meant. Head, legs, abdomen, heart, brain, lungs, etc. all looked good. My fluid looked good. The only thing he hesitated on was my placenta. Apparently, I have a posterior placenta, which means that it is attached to the uterus in the back. This seems to be the most common placement for it, so that's fine. But apparently the cords typically connect right in the center of the placenta whereas Hudson's cords attach off to one side. This doesn't necessarily mean trouble, but it can sometimes lead to smaller babies. It is just something to be monitored. And I expect that this doctor will be great at doing just that. After going through the targeted ultrasound results, he went through the history of the pregnancy to see that my blood pressure has always been in the normal range, observed my weight gain and actually said that since my last appointment 4 weeks ago, I'd only gained 2.6 lbs (a total of 26.6 so far) and he would like to see 1 lb/week. Believe me, (or talk to Royce), I am certainly not trying to not gain! He asked about swelling and told me to expect more lower leg swelling in the coming weeks, as well as a general numbness in my hands and arms. Then he did the ultrasound, correctly calling our son a BOY, and described his positioning to us. Hudson was head-down, face-up, meaning that his head is downwards, feet up, and his face is looking forward. His little mouth was wide open. He was wiggling the whole time! Dr. Alejo took us all around his little body, showing us his abdomen, his legs, his boy parts. He did measurements. He is weighing in at about 3 lbs. 10 oz., and approximately 29 weeks 6 days, which is actually 2 days ahead of schedule. He asked if we had any questions. (We didn't.) Then it was time to wait for my glucose test. All-in-all, I definitely think I made the right decision to change doctors. I feel more informed of what is happening inside my body and my baby's body.

Delivery Dream

Aw, pregnancy dreams...

I was going into labor. But the only reason I knew I was going into labor was my phone app. Never mind that in real life I do not have any fancy phone apps... For the phone app, I just had to pee on a stick and scan it with my phone. Then, with just that little pee stick, it could measure how far dilated I was and start timing my contractions. When I showed Royce that I was in labor, he got super excited and started telling everyone, while I packed my bag, made sure I had pillows, camera, clothes, etc. I had to drag him away from friends to drive me to the hospital. And if you've ever seen me try to hurry Royce along, you know how that went. He'd start to wrap up the conversation, start turning away from the group, but then start a whole new story. If I did get him away from that group, he'd find someone else to BS with. Granted, it was very cute to see him so excited, but, uhhh... I was having a baby! My phone said so. I was watching my contractions, even though I wasn't feeling them at all. I don't know if we ever did make it to the hospital...

Too funny!!

Baby Showers!

My wonderful friends are setting dates and ideas for my baby showers! So exciting!!! For work, it looks like we are going with Tuesday, August 2 @ noon. For cruisers, the date and time isn't narrowed down, but we are hoping for the first week of September. And my mom said that she was looking at the last week of August for my family/friend one. So thankful, so excited!!

While visiting with our friend Weezie at Coalville, she told me something very sweet about Royce. Something I didn't know. Apparently, many months back, when we were having trouble conceiving, Royce was with Weezie when one of our cruiser acquaintences' teenage daughter walked by sporting a second unwed baby bump. Royce looked at Weezie, and as close to tears as she's ever seen him, said "This just isn't fair." Awww! I love reminders like this that he is as excited about this as I am. He's gonna be an awesome daddy!

Another symptom- Fat Feet!!

My fat feet (and ankles!) from walking the Coalville car show. Yes, I drank LOTS of water, and yes, I did put them up that night. By bedtime, they were back to normal.

Remember what I said about being able to keep my emotions in check? Well... they may have run amok a little on Friday. We had "plans" to take our Airstream trailer up to Coalville and stay the night for the car show on Saturday. Well, I thought we had plans. Nothing was etched in stone. It was just an idea I had had several weeks ago and Royce seemed on-board. When I woke up Friday morning, I suddenly realized the disaster that was my house, and that my mother would be walking into that disaster to take care of my dogs. I fretted all morning as I got ready for work and straightened up what little I could. But by the time I got to work, I had decided "to hell with it. It's my mess. She can think what she wants. I'm living life while I can." But apparently my panic in the morning stuck with Royce. Later that afternoon, he called to see if we could go check out my car at the shop and get some of the junk out of it. I asked if they had specifically asked us to come get stuff, and indicated that I would rather not go. And that seemed to be the end of it. Until that evening, after work. We were both starving, and I, once again, was craving "pizzeria" pizza (not delivery!), so we called the Circle Inn in Sunset for a pickup. On our way, we stopped at the ATM for cash. But our stupid card wouldn't work. It was NOT insufficient funds. Royce was sure that it was my fault, that I had done something wrong, or that I had let him key in the wrong-something-or-other, that I could fix it. As we pulled away defeated and confused, and that much hungrier, he started going on about how we were wasting time, nothing was getting done, that the one thing he had wanted to do was not even an option. WHAT?!? How did we get to this?? I never said we couldn't go to Jack's shop, I merely implied that I didn't want to. If I had had any idea that it was such a big deal, I would have just done it. No biggie. But it was. By this time, Royce was screaming and swearing at and about everything. I tried to keep my calm, but I finally screamed and swore back. When we finally got our pizza home and ate it, we had calmed down some, but our plans were completely in the air. He didn't feel like the plans were definite enough, he felt out of control about them and about the fact that his car was in the shop. But I couldn't provide any more info or details, so I don't know what the big deal was. About the car, I trusted Jack's shop to do what needed to be done. About camping, I was completely fine with doing it or not. So, I hid in my playroom, did some cleaning up for baby's room, while he took a nap on the chair. At about 7:30, he slinks into the room, "You ready to go?" and offers me a "sorry." I finish what I'm doing and we quietly load up the trailer. The ride through the canyon was silent. As I was looking out the window, I swell up with emotions, thinking about what my innocent baby had heard, and I start crying. Silent tears ran down my cheeks for 5 minutes or more before Royce even noticed. Then he got very gentle and sweet and asked me what was wrong. I told him that I hated that our son had heard us like that. Royce tried to tell me that he probably thought it was the TV or something ('cuz he knows what a TV is...) and I explained that Hudson knows my voice, knows his voice. A couple of weeks ago, I read an article about babies crying in the womb. There was an ultrasound picture/video that showed the fetus' movements that very distinctly resembled crying, with shaking lips, open-mouth, arched back, etc. All I could think of was Hudson doing this because mommy and daddy were fighting, and no one being able to soothe him. It broke my heart. Royce seemed to understand this, even without the article/video explanation, and was very apologetic for his part in it. We agreed that we could disagree and fight ('cuz it's kind of inevitable) but that we cannot yell like that anymore. It scared me. I cried for another 10-15 minutes, just to get it out.

How Do I Feel?

People ask me, "How are you feeling?" I answer "Fine." "Good." "Great." "Tired." but really, I feel 29 weeks pregnant. That seems so ungrateful to say. I am blessed to be carrying this baby. I am overjoyed about this opportunity. I love and cherish every day of this pregnancy. But I still feel pregnant, which entails a lot of discomfort. I hate to complain, so I try not to. But I am uncomfortable, in the very best way possible. My abdomen is stretching, so it's constantly sore. My legs and hips are never quite in the right position. Walking even a short distance takes a lot of effort, and I move slower than ever before, which means my husband is always dragging me as he tries to hold my hand. Bending over is nearly impossible. My fingers are now too fat for my wedding ring. My back aches. At the end of the day, I just want to be naked. Clothes feel clingy or hot, shoes are restricting. I go from feeling hot, to feeling cool in seconds. At nighttime, I surround myself with at least 4 pillows; at home, I always use 2 when relaxing and at work, I have one on my chair. At other peoples' homes and out in public, I am constantly fidgeting and changing position. I am tired. My emotions are everywhere, though I am pretty good at keeping them in check, at least around other people. I pretty much always want sex, but I'm scared of it, and don't have the energy for it. It's all very frustrating. It's all very exciting. I am fine, good, great and tired, but that doesn't even begin to describe how I really feel, which is 29 weeks pregnant!!

Also... I crave pizza and lemonade. Pizzeria pizza, not delivery pizza. Tart lemonade... which then gives me heartburn.

The Inconvenience of an Accident

I am so sick of phone calls!

I've either talked to or heard/left messages from/for:

• 
  
  Charlene at McKay Dee


• 
  
  Rod @ Jack Harris Autobody


• 
  
  Jessica @ Allstate


• 
  
  Patricia @ MetLife


• 
  
  Marc @ MetLife


• 
  
  Kelly @ MetLife

It is absolutely ridiculous how many people have to be talked to when there is an accident, especially one with injuries and damage. All the names clash together eventually, especially when I have 2 people from Allstate calling and 3 people from MetLife that I have to call. I am, however, proud to say that the people on my end of things (Allstate) are being very professional and communicating with one another to get things taken care of. The dummies at MetLife, however, are scatterbrained and there is little to no communication between them and the hospital and them and the autoshop. I have to play go-between. Luckily, I think we finally have things going at the autoshop. They got the car Saturday, even though they were closed til Tuesday, and are finally able to start working on the car today, Thursday. We had to wait for the estimate from MetLife. Then they tell us, "Oh... Jack Harris. Yeah, they are one of our preferred shops, so we'll just have him do the estimate and not send one of our guys." Great. Could have started 2 days earlier! Bugger. Oh well. At least I have a nice rental car. A 2012 Ford Escape. MetLife only cleared me for a compact car, HA!, but Enterprise was great about playing the go-between and getting approval for a full-size, then just upgrading it to the SUV anyways. So it has just been a bugger to get everything rolling. I feel like I shouldn't have to be making these calls, answering these questions, providing these numbers. She is the one who hit me so why am I being inconvenienced so much?!? And why aren't the insurance companies, medical people, and auto repair people communicating with each other?? I suppose it could definitely be worse than a little bit of inconvenience.

Bountiful Basket #3

Got another basket. Did a different pickup time & place and was much happier. The truck was early and we were actually on our way back home by the time our pickup time rolled around. The haul:

• 3 Butternut squash


• Honeydew Melon


• Purple grapes


• Nectarines


• Red Chard (?)


• Carrots


• Celery


• Tomatoes

I know I'm missing some things...

Not gonna let it spoil my weekend...

I decided not to let my accident spoil my weekend. Like I said before, after we left the hospital, we went up to Logan for the car show. The next day, Sunday, we went to dinner at our friends' Mike E & Kylee's home. I had never really met or spent time with Kylee's little boys, so it was fun to see them. After that, we went to the drive-in with Alex and Kyle, Mat, AJ and Caitie to see Cars 2. Sure, it's a kids movie... but we're kind of a bunch of kids! It was pretty cute. Our favorite part was when the Robin Reliant tipped over in the chase. LOL!!!

On Monday, July 4, Royce and I were asked to help host a car show in North Ogden. We were excited to help, but didn't realize how much we would actually be doing. All in all, I think everything went great. We had 80 registered cars. We had some great help and were able to have a lot of fun. After the show, and after a nice l-o-n-g nap, we went up to our friends Marc & Ruth's home for dinner and visiting. It was low-key and just relaxing.

Litter Hurts

This is my friend Meredith.

This is Meredith's story.

Well, the last chapter anyways. Before that, she was a beautiful person. A great friend. A super student. She was intelligent, a hard worker, and someone that you could count on. And, as you can see above, she had a glowing smile that was contagious. She started out as just another student here at UOP, but quickly became a friend. I loved hearing her stories about her boys. She was such a great mommy. She had so much love to give, and her compassion for others was evident. She was special. She IS special. And now her story is special. It is used to promote www.litterhurts.utah.gov

On Saturday, after my own little accident, we went to Cache Valley Cruise-In car show and I saw this:

Meredith's car. The last place that glowing smile would ever be.

I lost it. The tears rushed forth again. Good God. How could I possibly be so upset about my little fender-bender?!? Look at how incredibly blessed I was. But then I also think, why is this happening at all?!? Why aren't people being responsible drivers??

Accident

On Saturday morning, Royce and I went yard sale-ing with his dad, Bob. At about 9:30, we were stopped on a street in Clearfield to make a left-hand turn down a neighborhood to follow a yard sale sign. We were completely stopped, as there was a truck turning out from the road we wanted to go down, blocking the sign we needed to get the address off of, and there were 2 cars coming in the opposite direction that we needed to wait for. As we continued to wait, we heard an awful "SCREEEEEEE!" sound behind us. My father-in-law had just enough time to move his head half-way back, when we were impacted from the rear. I remember the awful crunching sound and the jolting of our car as we were pushed forward 3 times. I remember shouting "Oh my god, Goddammit!" and other choice words, (though not to the extent that I've been told...)

My first response was ANGER. Several seconds, a couple minutes of FLAMING RAGE. FURY. This is when the expletives exploded. Apparently a string that would have put any cable show to shame. How dare this bitch hit us?!?!?! Whatthe?!?! I was mad that we had to deal with the cops, the paperwork, the hassle. I was furious that she'd ruined my perfect little OWNED Beatle Buggy. We had only paid it off a month and a half ago. What about my beautiful pinstriping?!? I hadn't even seen the damage yet, but I was furious. Then I was mad that she had done this to me. I felt vulnerable. I was angry that she would take advantage of a pregnant lady. (How, I don't exactly know, but that is how I felt) As I looked at my husband, I was angry at what she had done to him. He was so filled with rage that he was absolutely silent. His eyes said everything he couldn't.

After the anger, came calm. I could handle this. I would take control, release my husband of some of his tension. I called 911. I got out of the car and started examining the scene. Taking pictures. I even calmed down enough to approach the other driver (ya know... the bitch in the Buick) I asked her, as calmly as I could, with as little disdain as possible, "Are you ok, at least?" to which she responded, after looking at me for the first time since the accident, "I..I.. I just don't know! Iknowitdoesn'tchangeit,butI'msorry.I'msorry." It was quick, it was rushed, and it sure as hell didn't sound apologetic. The first part, "I just don't know." honestly sounded almost as if she were blaming me. So I walked away. Even more hateful of the bitch in the Buick. I went back to my car, where there was an off-duty EMT attending to my father-in-law. She asked me how I was doing, and I explained that I was 7 months pregnant and just wanted to be checked out and make sure baby was ok. She told me to sit back in the car and asked the responding EMTs to take my vitals. Everything seemed normal for a minute, until they asked if I wanted transport to the hospital. I said I did want to go to the hospital, but wanted to talk to my husband. When Royce came over, I lost it. THE TEARS exploded. "I need to see my baby!!!" All of a sudden, I realized that I was responsible for another life and I had to know that he was safe. It was an overwhelming gush of love and fear. We decided that driving ourselves (or hitching a ride, rather) would be just as efficient. But as I waited for the paperwork to be completed and the scene to be cleared, I started to have some regrets. Perhaps I should have gone in the ambulance. I worried that by waiting, I was putting my baby in danger. There was just so much worrying. But by the time we were leaving, I had felt some little wiggles and started to relax a little. I spent the next 5 1/2 hours at the hospital, the majority of the time up in Labor & Delivery attached to a fetal monitor, listening to Hudson's sweet heartbeat (the most amazing sound ever). They ran some blood and urine tests. Everything turned out fine. And, in the end, while I am not exactly thankful, I do have some gratification that I now know better what to expect when I do go to the hospital to have this baby. The fear is not there. At least not the hospital fear. Obviously, there is still some apprehension about labor, but I now know that the hospital itself is not evil, that the room is not cramped and uncomfortable. I now know to bring my own pillows, and something to DO. I now know that Royce can indeed handle it. I always worried that he couldn't handle the pressures of the hospital, but now I know that he will always do what is best for me and his son.

See, we were obviously turning- our blinker is on, and we are off to the left as much as possible. See the skid marks? Apparently (Royce says so) they aren't hers... those are ours!! He had the brake on, as we were stopped, and he held it as we were jolted forward. Nice, right?!?

The bitch's Buick. *Wah.*

My poor Beatle Buggy. :( Should be repairable, just inconvenient and a matter of time.

How sad is it that Hudson's new car was in an accident too?!

Sadness

Last night, we received the news that our dear friend Jane passed away last week. She had been suffering from pancreatic cancer, and took a turn for the worse the last few weeks. Her last week, she was unable to eat at all, and her last four days she was unable to speak. She was, however, surrounded by her family.

Royce met Jane out at the swap meet. She was an artist. We started purchasing some of her unique pieces, sawblades with nature scenes and game animals, but eventually became great friends. Whenever we would visit her to see what she had been working on we would spend an hour just chatting. She always called us "the kids." Royce would get giddy every time he left with a new treasure. She was our favorite go-to gal during the holidays, I really don't know what we'll do this year. She will be sorely missed. But she will not be forgotten, as we walk past a dozen or more of her paintings in our living room each day.

I absolutely adore our ring of friends from the car shows, but I am so not looking forward to the upcoming years, as they grow older and older and eventually pass away. I worry about that with Hudson. He is going to see so much death so early in life. But he is also going to have an insurmountable amount of love, which makes it more than worth it to have the heartbreak of death.

Week 28- THIRD TRIMESTER!!!

This week I start my third trimester. That astounds me!! This is all going so very fast! Before you know it, I will have my "forever" life. I will be done being a student. I will hopefully find myself a teaching job. I will be a mommy. It's incredible. Not that I haven't worked hard for it though...

I do not have a bump picture to post, but wanted to do an update anyways.

How I am feeling:

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  Still just thrilled to have this experience!!!


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  So excited to meet my baby boy!


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  Loving almost every minute of this pregnancy!


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  The minutes I don't necessarily adore?- the backaches. the nighttimes. the leg cramps.


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  My back is sore every night. And most days. And it isn't even my back so much as my upper butt. Just uncomfortable. And Royce is not at all a masseuse. Wish I could find some relief. I will bring this up at my doctors appointment, which seems so far away on July 13.


• 
  
  The nighttimes are hard. I fall asleep easy enough, but then I toss and turn all night, which isn't easy considering I've sandwiched myself between 3 or 4 pillows which all have to move with me. Then there are the potty trips, a couple every night. And even though I don't necessarily wake up for that reason, and don't feel it so much laying down, as soon as I stand up, the urge just rushes down, which makes the already slow, painful walk to the bathroom that much worse.


• 
  
  My legs cramp up in the evening too. I can usually work them out with a good stretch.


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  The minutes I adore the most?- the wiggles!!!


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  I love when Hudson starts his wiggles. I feel them about every 20 minutes or so. Sometimes they're slight flutters, other times they are deliberate kicks and Royce can join in on the fun of feeling him. And sometimes they are all out acrobatics and make my whole tummy wave. I love taking time when they are strong and just feel at one with him. I just wish I could predict them better and know when other people could feel them too. I want my friends and family to feel how strong he is, but it's awkward when I have them put their hand on my belly and nothing happens 'cuz the little stinker has stopped.


• 
  
  I am even starting to feel relieved. After all my worrying yesterday, I worked on sorting through my jewelry, makeup and hair stuff, and Royce and his dad got our new dresser into the bedroom. I have a fairly free weekend, so I hope to get more done. Just gotta keep on it!!

my goose