I am writing this for myself, as a reminder, as a warning, as a... I don't know exactly. Maybe just to get out what I haven't been able to say, but need to get out. So be forwarned right now, should you happen upon this posting, it is definitely in the "too much information" category and may not be for the weak. PROCEED WITH CAUTION, IF AT ALL...
I love my husband dearly. I even find him attractive and sexy and wonderful. Especially when I see him as a father to our son and imagine him with our daughter. And during this pregnancy, I have felt especially sensual and desirable. My skin feels soft, my hair flips just so, and I am as womanly as is possible creating life within my womb. Except that when we actually try, it is terribly uncomfortable and awkward. My belly is HUGE and hard and always in the way. Instead of "bumping uglies," we are bumping bellies and pushing each other farther apart! My back hurts, so holding my body up in the positions that work around bumping bellies is painful. My nether-regions are super sensitive and tight and unable to accomodate intercourse. And when we did force it, I was uncomfortable for several days afterwards. And, yet, I want it. The blood is flowing freely and heavily and I simply want the stimulation. But not the penitration. But communicating that to my husband has been difficult. I don't know why. After our attempt several weeks ago that left me uncomfortable, it just hasn't been an issue, we just haven't tried. But that also means that the passion hasn't been there. We hug and kiss daily, of course, and say our "I love you's", but the touching, the holding, the passion just hasn't been there. I don't know if we've just been afraid of it or what, not wanting to cross that line. I know he's scared of hurting me, doesn't like me to be uncomfortable or hurt. I know, too, that I have been extremely tired and out of energy so I haven't been putting forth the effort either. But the blood is still flowing. I still desire him, still want to feel desired. Need to, really.
And I finally did, last night. Even without intercourse, there is so much that we can do for each other, to each other, that sets that passion free. A tight embrace, our bodies wrapped together. It was everything I needed and everything I could give. I feel complete and beautiful and needed again. I am happy that I could fulfill his desire, thrilled to feel that urge again. I had started to resign myself to the idea that we would simply wait until after baby, which would have felt like forever. I now realize that we simply need to release it, feel it and embrace it- and each other. Even in our exhaustion, we can embrace, we can touch and tickle and tease. And with enough of all this, energy rebounds and we can be passionate. This is what I must remember. Our bodies rejuvenate each other, if we let them. We must fight our own bodies and work for that passion, but it is worth it. We are worth it. The renewed energy between us after is beautiful. I love my husband and would hate to lose him, or us, because of a lack of passion.
Truly Classic
